Of capes and sequins

So, I’ve more or less always had tinnitus.

It was only a vague thing that happened once in a blue moon when I was younger; so rarely i was barely aware of it. I think the first conscious mention of it was when a weird clock alarm was going off in a drawer, and my mum and I couldn’t work out what it was. I told her that it was ok, I hear that sometimes but it goes away after a bit. I know I was under ten. I’ve never mentioned it since.

I found out the name for it when my great aunt mentioned it in passing. This was an actual thing.

Very recently it’s been growing increasingly worse. I would say it’s been growing for at least six months.

In the last two weeks alone, though, it has become so constant, it’s problematic. On Friday night, I had a severe case of tunnel vision and nearly passed out (wrapped up in various other health issues), and the tinnitus became positively roaring. Deafening.

Once I fought the black out, it became a roaring silence. It was horrible. This silence is less roaring, but I’m now constantly aware of it, with waves of hazy ringing once or twice a day (so far).

I’ve read that it can be exacerbated by stress, by headaches, by dehydration, blah blah blah. I’ve got a few issues piling up - health and lifewise - so that’s probably why it’s started taking over.

I’ve also read that there is no cure (unless it’s caused by blockages etc). Relaxation is meant to help. I’m working on that, honest. And background noise is supposed to help dull and distract - I always have background noise, and it does help to some extent, but still.

How have people learned to cope? How do they live and work around the roaring in their heads?

In need of more Anders in my life.

Ideally with f!warden or f!hawke.

But I’ll take what I can get.

Pre or post justice; cheeky or angsty.

I don’t care. Just feather-loving mages, please.

Any fic recommendations out there??

I think my constant inability to choose between Shenko and Shakarian has finally resolved itself into the perfect OT3.

And it is beautiful. But we’ll have to see how it plays out in my head.